The Fancy Tissues

“I lift up my eyes to the mountains—where does my help come from?  My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.”  Psalms 121: 1-2 NIV 

The summer of 2016 was a time of change that is etched vividly in my memory. We moved from our Austin home of ten years to Celina, less than an hour from our hometown and family. Our children were very young, we packed up a decade of our lives, purchased an unfamiliar home, navigated new schools and job changes, and I drove a vehicle whose transmission was clearly on its last leg. The checklist of life stress was long that summer, but it grew especially heavy in July. 

My grandmother (Granny Robinson) was so excited that we were moving closer to home. My sister and I were very close to her growing up and as adults. I remember sitting with her on her loveseat that summer as she talked about coming for a visit after we were settled. Even as I type this, I can smell the familiar aroma of her home and hear her say, “Your uncle can drive me over and come pick me up later.” In that conversation, we didn’t know this visit would need to be unexpectedly rescheduled. Granny suddenly passed only a few weeks into our move. 

She looked beautiful at the funeral home, dressed in the purple outfit she had informed us years earlier that she would be wearing it for this very occasion. I wanted to do something for her that felt personal and special. A wreath of flowers with the glitter puffy paint word Granny on the ribbon was too generic. Granny was known to carry a tissue in her hand, always. Her purse pockets stored them. She held one like she might need it at any moment. I thought about placing a Kleenex in her hand, but that didn’t feel quite right. This moment needed an upgrade of sort. I found a delicate white handkerchief that could have a mauve flower embroidered on it. Now that was a special tissue. 

I proudly went by the funeral home to give the fancy tissue to Granny. I stood over her thinking how pretty she looked and so real, as if she might start talking to me at any moment the way she always did from her loveseat. This time her hands looked different; less full of life, folded in a way that was not characteristic of Granny. I wanted to place the fancy tissue just right, folded perfectly to display the mauve embroidered flower. I didn’t want to feel her hands in that cold, brittle way. So much had changed that summer already. I wanted to keep the warmth of my grandmother in my memory just as I can picture her comfy love seat or the familiar scent of her home. 

The funeral home was run by family friends. I had known them for many years and were guests at our wedding. I felt comfortable asking the funeral director to help me place the gift in her hands. He stood beside me and gently told me what to do, but I looked at him with regret and said, “You’ll have to do it. I can’t.” He gave me a quirky smile and carefully placed the fancy tissue in her hands with ease as if he had done this before. Of course, this was with ease because this is what he does. He smiled again and walked away. 

I was so grateful he helped me preserve the warmth of Granny in my heart. I didn’t have to go alone to the place I wasn’t ready to go. He was happy to help me and I was glad I asked. I knew my Granny had already met Jesus. She was home, exactly where she was meant to be. Still, as I looked down at her, I concluded in my mind that she was now ready to walk through Heaven’s gates with her fancy tissue in hand, fitting for the occasion. 

Reflection: The “fancy tissue” becomes such a gentle picture of love, release, and trusting someone else to do what your heart couldn’t carry in that moment. When is it time for you to let go, know it is too much at that moment and ask God for help? He is right there and this is what he does. If you call out to Him, He will help in your time of need. He knows you personally. Maybe you have it all together for Him to come in and place it perfectly, better than you could yourself. 

Prayer: Thank you, Lord, for coming to our side when we call out. Thank you for knowing how things should be placed and helping us with the brittle lifting. When things get heavy, help me to rely on and trust in you. Praise be to the 3 in 1. Amen. 

Keep Praying, 

Lesley Henry